In our study of mentor texts (most recently, the prologue to Michael Crichton’s Jurassic Park, the thirty-fourth chapter of J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and James Ramsey Ullman’s “A Boy and a Man” from our Prentice-Hall literature textbook), we’ve paid attention to how the authors have used punctuation to bring out the emotion of what is happening on the page. Hyphenated adjectives can add voice, dashes can add a sense of immediacy and urgency, colons can add dramatic emphasis, and ellipses can show hesitation or doubt. Of course, these aren’t the only uses for these punctuation marks. We’ve been playing with them in our writing over the past few weeks to see what more they can do for us.
Here are examples from student work that I collected in my classroom about six or seven years ago. These sentences were all taken from personal narratives written in response to the prompt “write about a moment you’ll always remember.”
Hyphenated Adjective
We weren’t just scared. We were scared-out-of-our-wits scared. —Shelby
We didn’t call our full-court, man-to-man, get-the-ball defense “Duracell” for nothing. In our last game alone, we had created fifteen turnovers. —Ryan
Dash
I was having the time of my life. Something was bound to happen—something bad. –Jesse
Confused, I glanced at the clock. It was only—wait—that couldn’t be! Nine o’clock?!! –Annie
There were no birds singing, no plants swaying, no clouds moving—another breathless day. –Carly
Every minute—every second—was precious to me, because every instant we weren’t there was a moment he might die. I don’t remember whether or not I cried. It wasn’t important. What was important was how much I needed him—how much I would miss him—how much I loved him. –Hetty
I was trapped. The towering oak which had once captured my imagination now held me prisoner in my own treehouse. I yelled for my mom, for my dog—for anyone! –Jaci
Colon
It was World War III: older brother vs. younger sister. There were pillows, books, even food being thrown. Soon we were throwing ourselves at each other! — Myles
I knew something then: this dog needed me, and I needed him too. –Emmi
It was only later that I realized what I had accomplished: not only had I broken my own record, but I had broken the all-time record! — Katy
Victory was mine: I had decimated his army and captured his king in the most strategic and graceful game of chess I’d ever played. — Clifton
Ellipsis
I felt strange…not good, not bad. Only one thing was certain: I had to make the best out of a sad situation—new house, new room, new things. –Mary
“Ummm…sure…I’ll do it,” I finally answered. Oh my God, I thought…What did I just do? — Jessie
“Hi, I…I’m Je…Jessica.” My lips were paralyzed and my heart was pounding furiously. Three hundred pairs of eyes were staring up at me, watching my every move. –Jessica
Students, use the comments to post examples of punctuation craft from your recent essays or blog posts.
It…it didn’t work. The whole thing was ruined: I had lost…everything.
I love snow–I mean, who doesn’t? It’s soft and pure and practically sparkles from the top of a ski lift.
I was shaking–I could not play… it felt like 10 minutes, but it was only 20 seconds.
1,2,3…. Uh. Ow! I get up to walk, take a step, and scream in pain as I fall back down again.
I was building my house but– I slipped and died.
Unfortunately, school still starts at the same early-morning-I-still-don’t-want to-get-out-of-bed time.
You will lay around for days thinking of only one thing: the fact that you are sick.
I wan in trouble: trouble nobody could have thought of.
I crept out from behind my cover with a sudden realization: Not only was my avatar alive, but he had lost no health, and my assailant–who had been clumsily wielding a rocket launcher–had killed himself in his attempt to eliminate my team.
Where as in other sports you can pass by with out having perfect arches…..not in dance.
I love snow–you can play in it with or without your friends.
Hmm… Strange. I can’t seem to like using Internet Explorer.
I was waiting–the city was waiting; Austin was about to experience something not seen often at all.
I learned a huge lesson: you can always improve in whatever you want.
I won the 1st game… 2nd game… 3rd game and every other game until the 6th game.
“Hello… I’m Evan,” I said in front of the group of board members.
I was ready. I knew I could do this… HUT!!! I ran up to receive the ball, swerve left, juke right … touchdown!
Tests that you don’t study for are hard. Like no-way-I’m-passing hard.
The delectable tender steak was juicy and flavorful–the flavor burst into my mouth, dancing on my taste buds.
I looked around but it was all a little blurry, all I could really see was the eyes-wide, gaping-mouth faces of parents and children.
Now multiply it by a hundred–no–a million and add a dash of sophistication and you’ve got Mr. Croup.
The chill is everywhere around you — even in the air you breathe.
The power– the speed– the thrill.
I mean who couldn’t resist a glowing 10-inch screen that has who-knows=what moving all around it? For some it’s an irresistible treasure and a “Must have…”
“Okaaayyyyy—how big is this cliff again?” I stuttered as I peered down the abyss, at the rocks, the river, the tall grass, the rolling fields, the forest, and a field of cow pies.
The deer looked great: He had droptines ten inches down, and great big braltines.
It’s my duty to convince our parents–if we’re lucky–to take us on a trip to the best water park in Texas: Schlitterban!
Anyway, my cousin Sean and I had a I-haven’t-seen-you-in-a-year reunion.
It was the day: the day when the two best teams in the nation fight to death against each other… the day when my favorite team would lie down… victoriously.
Stitches don’t just hurt – they hurt-out-of-the-wazoo hurt.
How was the Super Bowl?… “Duh”! It was touchdown after touchdown, turnover after turnover, and the Broncos couldn’t get anything done. The Super Bowl was boring…
Whenever I’m on the turf running suicides and passing drills, sweat dripping off my nose right along side my team, I feel– I feel alive.
I’m fine with it, though–no school is always better than a late start!
Blue–blue is more than just a color, blue is peace and tranquility
I turned around and opened the closet…
Empty.
The whole thing was a tragedy really: at the end of it all I wanted to move to Tibet, Siberia, or better yet–Antarctica.
What to post, what to post, what to post… I’m having trouble deciding –funny, this never happens on my blog– what to say AGAIN.
Uh oh…I hadn’t studied that much the night before, and I didn’t know how to answer many of the questions on the quiz.
I couldn’t stop thinking about going into a deep sleep for a long, relaxing and quiet week. That would be nice….
I couldn’t believe my eyes… Could it be?
The hot sun seemed to “cool” down as the water from the pool rises to my ears.
Everything was still–the trees, the grass, and the small animals normally scampering about were like statues in the dark.
But I knew that I had to run—fast —long—hard so I did.
No -— there was no way that was my name… it couldn’t be.
I only remembered seeing my beautiful fish– floating at the top of her bowl– not moving at all.
“What I want for West Ridge Middle School is peace, peace is great….” a spokes kid would say.
On the computer, it takes a while to load the page, and twice as long to type the designated website and re-load. To even turn it on takes clicking the on button repeatedly and hours of waiting and clicking on the internet button and doing it again and banging your fist on the table and watching the screen with narrowed eyes and really wishing you could melt it right now into a white, sorry-but-the-page-can-not-load goo.
Two words to describe my family— boring and— amazing!
You know you’re dead—who wouldn’t be in your situation?
The question is: how in the world did you manage to tick off a 40 ft monster duck?
“Well…umm…I guess…I don’t know?” I say to my teacher as I try to get out of answering a question, one that I do not know the answer to.
I looked down at my math test—I was going to fail.
It was quiet—too quiet.
I wasn’t just eat-a-bag-of-chips-and-be-okay kind of hungry, I was eat-the-whole-County-Line-big-rib-and-still-need-more kind of hungry.
I looked over at the driveway, the car — the quart of oil. It was on its side, with its cap chewed off. Oil was everywhere. Droplets had been flung across the entire driveway,and the surrounding area. I stood still. My heart couldn’t decide whether to start pounding at its full strength or to stop altogether. “Oh no…” I murmured.
All I had wanted was 30 seconds worth of heat — not a fire!
Scoring a touchdown might just be the best thing that’s happened to me in my life — especially my first one.
And that is basically what the sport consists of… for the whole entire game.
I received the test’s answer document, oh my gosh I thought: I’m going to fail this one.
My first kiss was the angel-choir-singing-fireworks-in-the background kind of kiss… Wait a second… Was it all in my head? Is this real? “Emma it’s time to wake up,” commanded my mom… Nope. It wasn’t real… Darn.
We were winning the game, and I was playing good but—
The heat. The undeniable heat.
I slowly step to the plate regretting every step. I get into my stance and wait. The pitcher winds up and hurls the ball. I swing and…I miss.
As my coach says, there are two different types of athletes: there are the ones who do it for fun, and there are the ones who do it with a win-or-die mentality.
The waiter gave bad service–and then expected a good tip.
This just in! I’m fi— wait, what?