The boat glided across the murky-water. All was still…except for the creaky gate opening to let the Phantom and me into his dreadful lair. Cobb webs were everywhere–except on that one polished organ. Crumpled up papers filled with scratched out music were lying around the organ. There were candle-stands that have been missing from the opera house, dimly-lit. The lair, the trembling lair.
The lair was uncomfortable. Just like that dummy in a wedding dress–wait, is that me? Shivers ran up my back as I gazed around once more to the place that haunts my dreams.
There was a bed of dead roses, yelling to be rejuvenated. All the roses surrounded one fresh, crimson rose in the middle, rocking from the chilly breezes. There was the steady beat of the water echoing in the distance. The lair swirled with mist and fog. The floors were washed in ash. The old statues of beautiful angels lay there, rusty, and soaked in solitude.
It looked as though the lair was rejected by the upper-world. Everything seemed to be missing a heart. Everything was abandoned. Everything was stranded. Even the man- my old angel of music.
This is so good! You are an amazing writer! I love when you said “It looked as though the lair was rejected by the upper-world. Everything seemed to be missing a heart. Everything was abandoned. Everything was stranded. Even the man- my old angel of music” it really shows the sadness of the place and how it relates to the Phantom! I also really like how you put it from Christine’s point of view because we get a sense of how she probably felt!
I enjoyed reading this. “The old statues of beautiful angels lay there, rusty, and soaked in solitude.” This sentence really stood out to me when I was reading it. It shows how the Phantom is abandoned and left alone. The sentence also contributes to the mood. The “mist and fog” and the “murky-water” helped contribute to the mood too.
“Here was a bed of dead roses, yelling to be rejuvenated.” This is such a creative post! I love how your brought inanimate objects to life and the way you described things. Excellent post!:)
I like how you made everything sound old and creepy.”the creaky gate that opening to let the Phantom and me into his dreadful lair” . From that phrase, I can clearly tell tat you didn’t want to go into the Phantom’s lair. I also see how you make everything sound so sad.
“The boat glided across the murky-water. All was still…except for the creaky gate opening to let the Phantom and me into his dreadful lair.” I love the way you started out your writing. You were descriptive in the first sentence and used an ellipses in the second one. That really caught my attention. Your whole piece was very descriptive and I like how you put some voice in your writing too.
“It looked as though the lair was rejected by the upper-world. Everything seemed to be missing a heart. Everything was abandoned. Everything was stranded.” I liked the use of repetition, you used the magic 3, which made your ending very strong. Good job!