Come into my lair, oh please come in. Don’t mind the gnawers, the stack of bones, or that pile of blood in the the corner, it’s all temporary. Come sit down, no need to whisper, we’re already three miles below the opera house. No one else is down here: just you and me.
I’m sure that you’re a little bit frightened of what you see down here, don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. In fact, I bet that you will start to like it, that is if you follow in my footsteps. Did you just say that you’re thirsty, just go get a drink from the lake, it may taste a little bit funny, but I think that you’ll find it rather “enjoyable”.
Did you just say that you wanted to go back up to the opera house, why would you think such a thing when you could spend eternity with me. See, even the rats want you to stay. I know what will be convincing enough to make you stay for sure. Follow me on a short hike through the many passage ways that we’ll be traveling through. Stay close, or you might get lost, and if you get lost, it might not turn out as you want it to. Don’t even think about trying to run away, I’ve got this place filled with traps that will keep you right where I want you.
Ah, we’re here in the most beloved place in my whole lair: the dungeon of despair. Isn’t it just great? With its paintings of death, rusty cell doors, and best of all, my sacred pile of rotten bones. Just for your information, I got the bones from everybody who disobeyed my commands, and I’m sure that you won’t do that.
I hope that this has got you to make your mind up about the life changing decision that you’re about to make. Are you going to spend eternity with me , or give away your most precious gift: life.
The opening is great. It really pulls me in. Especially the foreshadowing end where it says,”No one else is down here: just you and me.”. That’s what I like the most. It makes me want to read more.
I also like how you said the rats also wanted to stay have Christine stay. Its like you’re giving the animals a mind too.
I like how you The Phantoms point of view talking to Christine. I like how you make The Phantom try to sooth Christine and make her stay. It shows that he cares about her but also is willing to do whatever it takes to keep her there.
“Ah, we’re here in the most beloved place in my whole lair: the dungeon of despair.” I really like how this line rhymes. The use of a colon is great too! “Are you going to spend eternity with me , or give away your most precious gift: life.” This line also has good use of a colon. I also noticed that this post has really great sentence variety.
“Don’t mind the gnawers, the stack of bones, or that pile of blood in the the corner, I bet that you will start to like it.” I like these words because it shows how the Phantom has become used to the blood, bones and rats in his lair, and even how he has started to like them. He likes the evil of his own lair and loves the darkness, and that is why he would do something evil like abduct Christine to his dark lair.
I can sense your sense of humor when you said “we’re already three miles below the opera house”. The picture that you chose, that totally matches what you said about the many passageways, it reminds me of the old mine in the “Journey to the Center of the Earth”. Also the part about his “sacred pile of bones”– was that a joke? I almost laughed when I read it.