The darkness was dimly lit by candles floating in the mysterious murky water.
I found myself in a cramped and cold little boat that glided upon the mirror like water, occasionally bumping into a candle. My hands ran along the splintery wood, finding little grooves that must have held a screw. Abstract brass and gold metal curves around the sides of the boat, creating swirls and jagged lines.
Scarlet, cerise, fuchsia and alabaster rose petals hovered among the ominous lake.
The sense of abhorrence and tenebrosity welled inside of me… but there was curiosity, imagination and freedom dying to get out.
“Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams!” boomed a familiar, tremendous voice. I gasped and looked around anxiously, cautiously… desperately searching to find another human. But silence followed, with the occasionally tickle of water from up above.
All of a sudden a gust of wind blows each and every golden flame out. “Surly this is a bad dream… no a nightmare” I thought. I pinched myself to wake up.
It didn’t work!
” Softly, deftly, music shall surround you… Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind.” quietly sang a voice, as if it was trying to lull me to sleep. Why would this voice want me to fall into state of … One by one, each little life like flame arose from the dead. I gasped in amazement as millions of crystal like lights beamed above in the cavern. They seemed to be getting bigger… No they were coming closer, until it was a blinding my eyes.
I awoke in a startle, while trying to catch my breath I hear an organ being banged to death. The sound seemed to be right behind me. A chill ran up and down my spine. Sweat beads trickled down my neck and face. The palm of my hands that were once as dry as the Sahara desert became as moist like the Pacific Ocean. I tried to move my legs and run, but they apparently grew roots into the ground.
Maniacal laughter filled the air. ” Help! Help me..” a crying voice chocked. I turned in every direction until I saw a girl. The girl’s face was completely drained, but completely filled with fear. Her knees were scraped up, as if she fell. I recieved enough adrenaline to run over to her. She ran towards me. “What are you doing here?! What happened?!?” I questioned. As my mouth raced with many questions her lips were moving too… But no sound was coming out. I cocked my head side ways in confusion, the girls head cocked sideways too. I slowly I lifted my hand towards her, and she did the same. The maniacal laughter returned.
Right behind the girl was a tall figure wearing a white mask stained with blood. A glass shattering scream pierced through the air. The girl who was once in front of me shattered into a thousands of glass shards. My heart beat stop, and I realized the girl who I saw… was me.
Photo Credit: Sharon Drummond via Compfight
I really enjoyed reading this post! One reason I really liked this was that you had your protagonist waking up in the lair, which also gave an element of surprise to your writing. This also is different from other entries because of this and how you referred back to the play with lyrics from ” Music of the Night”. Great job!
Wow. That ending shocked me…for a moment, I half-believed Christine would have a rescuer. But it was not to be.
Great build of tension in this, excellent use of details to set the tone. By the time you give us that desperate girl with her soundless cries, I am on the edge of my seat–and then that sudden, surprising conclusion!
Impressive work.
Thank you! This piece took me a while to construct and work with. It sure was a challenging topic, but I managed to think of something fantastic!
“Abstract brass and gold metal curves around the sides of the boat, creating swirls and jagged lines.” I really loved this line. For me, it really connected to Christine. The swirls are the good and happy times she had with him, and the jagged lines show the broken times she had with the Phantom. I love the descriptive imagery in this writing. Good job!
” Right behind the girl was a tall figure wearing a white mask stained with blood. A glass shattering scream pierced through the air. The girl who was once in front of me shattered into a thousands of glass shards.” WOW. This was such an amazing post. By far the best I’ve seen. You are such a creative writer! I look forward to reading more of your work!
I really liked your use of the lyrics from the songs in your story. It helped add tension and drama. The ending was amazing too! I would never had thought that would happen! Also, the detail allowed me to visualize the entire thing. You did an amazing job. Keep writing!
I absolutely love your writing. It is very detailed with great descriptive words. You also used a song in your writing piece. That was such a good idea. Great job overall!