The Dungeon…

Bonnie

Down, Down, Down we go.

Down we go to the prison of his mind, Deep down to the dungeon of his dark despair. I know the way by heart, so follow me.

I’ve only been once before, but something eerie in my mind lured me back. So here I am.

He leads me to a boat, says, “Run! Quick”, and down the path he flees. Behind me I hear a mob of angry men. Carefully stepping into the boat, I muster up my strength and paddle away. My strength was hard to find, down in the back of my mind, next to all of the vulnerability and fear. There’s so little of it now, ever since I met him.

I feel trapped, taken, abducted. Something’s controlling my mind. He’s in my head.  It wasn’t my choice to come here, but I did anyways. He told me he loved me, and I couldn’t stay away.Where did he go…ahh!

Rats? How could a human live here? Ohh…but he’s not. I’ve never been this far in before. Scary…. “Oh sweet Angel of music! Where are you? Hands at the level of your eyes, hands at the level of your eyes.” I whisper back and forth to myself I thousand times. I can never forget it. He never truly trust anyone. Not even me.

I hear sounds. What is it? Could it be-

Music?

The bittersweet violin leads me to a room of mirrors. I think I’ll sing along! Dancing, humming, singing, I think to myself, this might be the most fun I’ve had in this godforsaken cave-

A mirror broke. I turn around quickly. He’s here.

The Phantom of the Opera.

Creative Commons License Photo Credit: Joshua Hoffman via Compfight

7 thoughts on “The Dungeon…

  1. “He’s in my head. It wasn’t my choice to come here, but I did anyways.” I liked the way that this sentence shows the Phantom’s power to control Christine by using her fear of him. He was able to take her down to his lair the first time because Christine was so obsessed with him, the Phantom, that she couldn’t see the evil that was hiding behind the mask.

  2. “I feel trapped, taken, abducted. Something’s controlling my mind. He’s in my head. It wasn’t my choice to come here, but I did anyways.” I really like the start of this sentence, the use of Writer’s Craft. It also shows how Christine has no power over herself, when it comes to the Phantom. She has no control. I also like how in the end, there is sort of a start to a happy vibe, with dancing and singing, but it soon stops. The Phantom had arrived.

  3. Rats? How could a human live here? Ohh…but he’s not. I’ve never been this far in before. Scary…. “Oh sweet Angel of music! Where are you? This is a great description of how Christine really feels about the Phantom. It shows that she is filled with fear, and anguish.

  4. I love the way you had repetition in your lead. It already shows the reader that the Phantom lives deeper than darkness. “I feel trapped, taken, abducted”. I really like how you used synonyms to create this eery mood.

  5. I love how you start your story off with the repetition “Down, down, down”. I also love how you say “something eerie in my mind lured me back”. It made me shiver! “I felt trapped, taken, abducted” was a great magic 3! Your story was amazing. It was filled with suspense that made me want to keep reading more and more!

  6. Great job with mood and tone Saira! The first sentence got me hooked, and I loved how you emphasize on the word “down.” I really like how at the end there’s music and dancing and fun and – he’s here. The most well executed drastic mood change. Great job! I enjoyed this a lot!

  7. “A mirror broke. I turn around quickly. He’s here. That Phantom of the Opera.” Just reading that gave me a chill. I love how just adding simple punctuation can have so much effect on a piece of writing. Your piece is just trans-like! I couldn’t stop reading.
    I cannot wait to read your next post! Keep up the amazing work!

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