As I walk into the cave, the smell of death and desolation fills my nose. The scent pervaded the whole area, and invaded my very soul. i already know this cave is home to an evil.
Deeper into the labyrinth I go, the crunching of rodent bones beneath my feet echoing in the vast maze. The walls are damp and slimy with moss, and water drips steadily into a large underground lake. a harsh, cold breeze pushed by me, and it brings with it dread and regret. I feel like I am getting closer, but to what, I do not know.
I stop suddenly as a booming organ plays haunting tones. The labyrinth shakes as the sorrowful notes ring throughout the air. A maniacal laugh follows the notes, and I hear footsteps coming in my direction. I take off the way I came, and I knew that the stories were true.
José Miguel via Compfight
“I knew that the stories were true.”
I like the last little bit of your post, as it’s slightly similar to a cliffhanger, but not so much as to leave the reader dissatisfied. In addition, the adjectives scattered throughout your piece helped quite a bit with the visualization of the environment.
I love how you worded this sentence. “Deeper into the labyrinth I go, the crunching of rodent bones beneath my feet echoing in the vast maze.” This sentence creates a scary mood. Great job on your piece of writing! It was wonderful!
“As I walk into the cave, the smell of death and desolation fills my nose.” I like this sentence because it shows how scary the phantoms lair is.