Why would my brother bring me down to this place he calls a home? He knows I hate it.
A broken chandelier that looks to have fallen before looms above the dungeon. The rats scamper beneath my feet and scratches at a wall of rock in hope to get out. The giant statue of my brother and his dream girl loom above everything in this wretched place.
All of a sudden, a deep, low voice starts calling my name from the corner of the room. My brother is here. He pulls me over to him with his magic ropes and begins to show me around his home. He beckons me over to his organ, and plays for me his new piece he will use to impress his dream girl. While he is playing, a black cat with a rat tail hanging from its mouth sits on him, and chews it’s dinner.
My brother stops playing, and continues to show me his “house”. We cross a river made red from blood and head toward his room. My heart skips a beat when my brother disappears. Suddenly I start falling! I realize that we had gone through a trap door and begin panicking. What could be deeper than the dungeon?
We get to his room. The grand finale of this place. People hang from ropes everywhere. The bed is made of bones. The sheets are made of skin. The floor is covered in blood. Even the ropes are made of cat tails.
My brother forces me deeper into his room, and suddenly pushes me! I can’t control myself! My legs won’t work and my arms can’t stop myself. My brother just laughs and flicks his hand. A rope falls from the ceiling right in the path of me.
Time slows. I can’t believe my own brother is going to kill me. No wonder they call him The Phantom. I am going to be a part of my brother’s dead people collection. My brother turns me around to see the last thing I will ever see again. My brothers face… The Phantoms face… A devil’s face.
I enjoyed reading this post and the great ides that went into it. I liked how you used the “magical ropes” that were briefly mentioned in the play, as a main part of your story. It was also interesting how you made the main character the Phantom’s brother– I never would have thought of that. What I liked most about your story though, was the feeling of an endless despair. “What could be deeper than the dungeon?,”My brothers face… The Phantoms face… A devil’s face.” Great job.
Great post. I really liked how you made the character his brother so he new the phantom but you still were able to make it mysterious. My brothers face… The Phantoms face… A devil’s face. this sentence has a great use of ellipses to set a mood.
At the end of the story, “My brothers face… The Phantoms face… A devil’s face.” basically summarizes how the main character feels about the Phantom. First a brother, then the Phantom, then a devil. I really like it. Also, I like the way you made up an character that was not in the real version. In a way, I like your version better than the real version.
I really like how you used the words “wretched” and “loomed” because they just added to the mood of the story. Also, its really creative how you put animals in the lair with him, like he’s trapped by himself because no one loves him and the only company he has are rats and a cat. Also, I liked, “I can’t control myself! My legs won’t work and my arms can’t stop myself.” It shows how the Phantoms power is so strong that hardly anyone can resist.
“No wonder they call him The Phantom.” No wonder! I’m really glad you gave a backstory to his name. You show the Phantom’s love for Christine to be an almost an obsession, which I agree with. I also enjoy the creepy imagery, and the main character being the Phantom’s brother. Great job!