The stairs continue farther and farther underground, deep down below the Opera House, stair after stair after stair of damp moldy rock and musty passageways that creak with each step. The dark dripping walls are filled with light from a quivering candle every few feet, and as I get pulled down farther, I smell something rotting. My legs start to stumble once I’ve been walking for too long, but finally…I reach the bottom.
I am pulled into a dark cavern, but The Phantom snaps his fingers and a row of candles on both sides of the cave light up, showing me a huge glittering lake right at my feet. The murky water is far too dark to see through, but when a candle shines on the lake, I see a skeleton below me. I cover my mouth before I let out a shriek, and back up to the wall.
At least I think its a wall.
I turn around and its the Phantom I have run into, not the skeleton I have been imagining. But the Phantoms face is just as scary as running into a skeleton would’ve been. He shoves me into a boat I didn’t see before, and we paddle across the haunted lake.
On the other side there is an organ with a plush chair behind it, and a huge candle, with the Opera House chandelier above it. Broken. Just like the Phantom. As I look up at the chandelier, The Phantom steps in front of me and sits down in the old, antique velvety chair. He lifts his hands and starts his luring mysterious lullaby…
Photo Credit: Sergiu Bacioiu via Compfight
I really liked the first paragraph because of all the imagery and the repetition. It also brought you into the place and made you feel like you were really there. I also liked the connection you made with the broken chandelier and the one that had fallen before.
I love how you said “The stairs continue farther and farther underground, deep down below the Opera House”. It makes me imagine how deep this is going. You also said “Then finally you reach the bottom” You supported your idea about how long you go down. You showed great imagery of when you were going to the lair. You could have also paragraphed where you said “Broke. Just like the Phantom”. Great job though!
“The stairs continue farther and farther underground, deep down below the Opera House, stair after stair after stair of damp moldy rock and musty passageways that creak with each step. The dark dripping walls are filled with light from a quivering candle every few feet, and as I get pulled down farther, I smell something rotting. My legs start to stumble once I’ve been walking for too long, but finally…I reach the bottom.”
This first paragraph really pulls me in! I love the repetition for effect, it adds to the eeriness of the scene. I can hear the little drops of water spill onto the stairs and I can smell the putrid stench and I feel as if the whole from only has a dim glow. It also seems so dark and dull, like the phantom’s heart.
When you wrote about the skeleton in the lake, I knew that it was a reflection of the phantom, but I also took it as a reflection of his life. Hollow, dull, empty, lifeless…
Awesome Job Caitlyn!
I loved the first paragraph with all the repetition. “continue farther and farther” “stair after stair after stair”. With all the imagery you used it defiantly made me want to keep reading. That paragraph was a great hook for the rest of the passage. Amazing job.