Photo Credit: Neal Fowler via Compfight
My eyes flew open in a dark place. There was nothing I could see. All my senses were oblivious except the faint squeak of the rats. I got up and wandered around searching for a source of light when suddenly a light flickered before my eyes and nearly knocked me off my feet. But I picked it up and began to wondering around looking for a way to get out of here, anything to get me out of here… All I wanted to get out of this grimy prison.
As my feet trudged across the floor my eyes caught sight of a narrow passage way that I began to squeeze through. As I reached the end of this ancient hallway the air began to reek of rotten flesh. The smell grew stronger and stronger until I found the horrifying source of this stench. It was a chamber filled with men and women hanging from nooses surrounding them there was a ring of broken mirrors. Covering my nose I advanced through the chamber that must have belonged some kind of crazy man… or creature.
In the middle of the room there was a thrown that looked lonely. As I approached it the flame of this magical candle the flame flickered like a mad man. It seemed like this dungeon had no end. But my will to survive was too great so I walked up to the one of the mirrors and picked up a shard and as I looked into it there was a white mask behind me and I felt a shove and I fell. The last thing I felt was the rats crawling over my body.
“The last thing I felt was the rats crawling over my body.”
I love how you leave a cliffhanger here. Everyone’s thinking, ” Did he die?”. I also loved all of the descriptive imagery in this post. Good job!
“Covering my nose I advanced through the chamber that must have belonged some kind of crazy man… or creature.”
The ellipsis is perfect, that hesitation supplying the doubt that feeds fear. I especially like that coming after your use of repetition in “looking for a way to get out of here, anything to get me out of here.” There is desperation in your wording there.
Great post! I was really attached to your post after I started reading your hook. You used words like “oblivious” that got me very interested in the post. I also liked how you closed your first paragraph with “All I wanted to get out of this grimy prison.” It gave me a vivid image of what I was reading. You gave the post a mood that was very eerie and creepy. I felt like I was in the lair.